Relationships: Be Lazy

…or something like it.

I’m not a big believer of fate but I do believe in the occurrence of statistical probability meeting a low p-value. So this Marie-Claire, has a blog article that lists the 10 first date mistakes people make…

Let me tell my side of the story and you’ll know to take any kind of advice with a grain of salt (so that you take this advice with a grain of salt as well or something. Yeah.)

1. Arriving late: if anything I was late. I saw Chef waddle into our meeting place of the ever so classy, Thirsty Scholar in the East Village. OK, he doesn’t waddle but he does shuffle his feet. I’m still trying to figure out if this meeting was a date because I thought we were “hanging out”. After many discussions, we agreed that Thirsty Scholar was our real first date place. The now closed John Dory would be the legitimate/traditional first date — the kind that you tell people. Me= -1
2. Wardrobe malfunction: Here, the author isn’t talking about Janet Jackson malfunctions but dressing inappropriately for the occasion. I didn’t even know I was going to the bar after work so I was in appropriate work attire of 4 inch heels, black sheath dress and my Nanette jacket. We ended up doing a lot of walking that night and I ended up in pain. Me = -1 (again).
3. Talking politics or religion: I can’t remember but I do faintly remember discussing Jesse Ventura and how he was an embarrassment. Again, Me = -1.
4. Checking out other people: No comment. I did well. Me = +1.
5. Bringing friends: 30 minutes into the “meeting”, 5 people plus his sister joins us at the bar. Him = -6. I was basically bombarded with meeting people important to him right away.
6. Getting too drunk: -2 for the both of us.
7. Being too aggressive: -1 for me. I believe I threw a mini-fit about the painful state of my feet.
8. Being too unaggressive: -1 for him for listening to my complaints about the painful state of my feet.
9. Canceling last minute: We actually tried to arrange something for the past week, after out initial meeting. So, -2 for both of us.
10. Dominant speaker: Chef talks too much. That’s all I have to say.

By Marie Claire standards, we should’ve hated each other because we both lacked proper dating etiquette. This is expected when you’re talking about a socially inept academic like me and a food nerd like him. We have absolutely nothing in common except for Minnesota, interest in new restaurants, disdain for certain Minnesotan politicians, Planned Parenthood, sustainable eating, whiskey, golf, and camping. Moral of the story: so you want to date that chef, server, or bartender, you should totally make ALL ten mistakes.

They only have high standards for food.

Just kidding. Kind of.